Inspired by The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore

T’was the night before Christmas, and all are bereft.

Our investments are down, there is no money left.

Stocks, commodities and private equity too,

It seems every sector has stepped in the poo.

The once high and mighty did quick fall asunder,

Fannie and Freddie Mac swiftly went under.

Wamu and Wachovia, both hit the wall,

And AIG, oh my god what a fall!

Bear Stearns, the once venerable could not survive,

And Lehman Brothers Inc, man o man what a dive!

Hedge funds were hammered, both here and abroad,

Their trading strategies were seriously flawed.

We turned to the Fed for much needed relief,

They’ll save our investments, that was our belief.

The Fed stepped in with a few trillion (to date),

Alas for poor Lehman, they were one step too late.

The big bank cut interest rates right down to naught

The impact was minimal, who would have thought?

The long bond now yields down nearby two fifty,

If you live on interest, that’s not very nifty.

And then just when things could not get any worse,

Here comes Bernie Madoff at the wheel of a hearse.

He promised investors a steady return,

But his evil scheme through their money did burn.

His victims were targets of the world’s largest theft,

Now god only knows what these poor saps have left.

Investors are hurt, many race for the door,

You can hear them scream, “We can’t take any more!”

And so I exclaim o’er this landscape of blight,

“Will the last person left, please turn off the light.”

Inspired by “There was an old lady that swallowed a fly”, lyrics by Rose Bonne       

No money down, two years interest free,

Buying a house was no problem you see.

And so the young man along with his spouse,

They could not afford, but yet bought the house.

A company provided the debt,

That allowed the couple to buy, but yet

They did not provide the money for free,

They packaged and sold it off for a fee.

And so the young man along with his spouse,

They could not afford, but yet bought the house.

The rating folks called the bonds triple A,

The sun was shining, it was time to make hay.

It allowed the company to sell off the debt,

To earn fast fees, a good business bet.

And so the young man along with his spouse,

They could not afford, but yet bought the house.

The banks came along and bought the debt,

Locked in a spread that yielded great net.

They thought the bonds were Triple A,

Or so the rating companies say,

Of the bonds offered by the company,

The ones packaged and sold for a fee,

That allowed the young man and his spouse,

Though they could not afford, but yet bought the house.

But the terms soon changed for the young man and his spouse,

They could no longer afford to own the new house.

The rating companies had erred quite a bit,

All of a sudden the banks took a hit.

On bonds they had thought risk free,

That they bought from a company that had earned a fee,

For providing the loan to a young man and his spouse,

They could not afford, but yet bought the house.

The Fed came along to bail out the banks,

A task for which they deserve little thanks.

Shouldn’t they have known all along?

Banks chasing yield would end up so wrong?

And couldn’t the rating companies see,

This kind of debt is more like Single B?

And the company that provided the debt for a fee,

Should never have lent to the man and his spouse,

Because they could not afford, but yet bought the house.

Biden said it’s patriotic,

For folks to pay their income tax.

But some of his D.C. colleagues,

On this matter have been lax.

Up on Capitol Hill,

They pass lots of new tax laws,

That take bites out of your paycheck,

Like the great white shark from Jaws.

To each of these new tax laws,

Mere mortals must abide.

But for the members of Congress,

The rules don’t always get applied.

They can’t always be bothered,

With minor details like complying.

And if they should get caught,

You can be sure you’ll hear denying.

The typical response oft sounds,

Tremendously conventional.

The shortfall in taxes paid,

“Was strictly unintentional.”

The money owed then gets coughed up,

But they should have known better.

When it comes to paying taxes,

Follow the law, to the letter.